Founder's Story – Hugo's Journey

Hello, I'm Hugo, the founder of Affair Recovery. I've chosen this pseudonym to protect my children from potential fallout, bullying, and teasing that could arise from my personal experiences, which I will share with you. This decision underscores the delicate balance we must maintain in our lives, especially when considering our loved ones and healing from deep personal wounds. With this in mind, I respectfully ask you to consider your actions and decisions carefully during these tumultuous times.

My journey into psychology and therapeutic work began in 2005. Fast forward to 2021, I found myself grappling with the pain of infidelity – a heart-wrenching betrayal by my wife and someone I considered my best friend. This double betrayal caused tremendous pain and trauma, a lingering truth that never fully fades. However, this horrific and painful experience catalysed my personal growth under the most challenging circumstances.

After discovering my wife’s affair, I immersed myself in studying infidelity and betrayal, alongside practicing mindfulness and introspection. This period was crucial for my self-preservation and survival through immense pain and trauma. Already a qualified coach and therapist with 16 years of experience, including training as a Master Practitioner and Trainer in NLP under John Grinder and a senior leader for Tony Robbins, I leveraged my professional skills to stabilise during this turbulent time.

This journey was about more than just gaining clarity and understanding; it involved deep introspection and personal growth. Climbing out of a dark place for the sake of my children and survival led me to understand the importance of self-awareness and having the right tools to navigate forward. My experience, both professional and personal, equipped me with unique insights to guide others through similar challenges. It was my own desperation that compelled me to utilise my skills to help others experiencing similar anguish.

Today, over two years beyond D-Day, my wife and I are navigating through the ongoing process of recovery. It's been a rocky road as you can appreciate, despite this, I can honestly say that some of our best moments as a couple have occurred post-affair. This may seem confusing or offensive to some, especially when the wound is fresh, but it's a testament to how crisis can lead to awakening and personal growth for both partners. The fact that we have shared some beautiful moments post D-Day doesn’t excuse the affair, but it gives me hope that brighter days lie ahead, whether together or separately.

Understanding the full picture and truth of an affair, its roots, and its impacts is crucial. For wayward partners, I urge honesty and truth – avoiding further lies and deceit is essential. It's not about assigning blame, but about gaining a complete understanding to make informed decisions about the future. Whether that leads to reconciliation and a stronger relationship or parting ways, the goal is learning, healing, recovery, and growth.

I am committed to helping those who seek my help, expertise, and experience, whether individually or as a couple. My approach goes beyond one-time sessions; real healing requires a dedicated program tailored to your specific needs, which is why I created the R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Model. We can discuss this during your initial discovery call.

I'm also in the process of publishing my book, "Rising After The Affair," a valuable resource for all my clients.

Your journey of healing, understanding, and growth is deeply personal, and I am here to guide you through it. Let's embark on this journey together. Book a discovery call as your next step, and in the meantime, remember to connect with nature and keep your body moving. You are valuable.

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The Power of NLP and the 6 Human Needs Psychology in Coaching

In the complex journey of healing and personal growth, particularly following the profound emotional upheaval of infidelity, the methodologies and tools a coach or therapist employs are critical. At Affair Recovery, under the guidance of Hugo, our founder, we employ a synergistic combination of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and the 6 Human Needs Psychology, enriched by Tony Robbins' philosophies, along with a suite of other potent tools. This unique blend elevates our coaching, offering a holistic and profoundly effective experience that surpasses traditional counselling or the singular use of NLP techniques. The integration of these approaches, backed by Hugo's personal experiences, extensive training and mastery, brings unparalleled depth and efficacy to our programs.

The Role of NLP

Hugo, a Master Practitioner of both Classic and New Code NLP, and a trained NLP Trainer under John Grinder, co-founder of NLP, brings a wealth of expertise to our approach. NLP stands as a beacon for transformative communication and behaviour change strategies, offering potent techniques for understanding and influencing behavioural patterns. With Hugo's mastery in NLP, our coaching helps you:

Reframe Perspectives: Transform adverse patterns into positive outcomes, altering your perception and response to life's challenges.
Enhance Communication: Elevate how you communicate internally and with others, fostering deeper understanding and connections.
Set Effective Goals: Formulate clear, attainable goals aligned with your core desires and values, propelling you towards your aspirations.

The 6 Human Needs Psychology

Our coaching is further enriched by Hugo's training as a Senior Leader in 6 Human Needs by Robbins Research International. This framework asserts that all human behaviour is driven by the necessity to fulfils six fundamental needs: Certainty, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance, Connection/Love, Growth, and Contribution. This understanding allows us to:

Identify Core Motivations: Uncover the true drivers behind your actions and decisions, particularly in relational contexts and personal development.
Balance Needs: Discover healthier avenues to satisfy these needs, leading to more fulfilling relationships and personal contentment.
Foster Personal Growth: Promote continuous personal and relational growth, enhancing your life and those around you.

The Synergy of NLP and 6 Human Needs Psychology

The fusion of NLP and the 6 Human Needs Psychology, coupled with Hugo's expertise and personal journey through infidelity, creates a robust framework for transformative change. This synergy enables us to:

Address Deep-Rooted Issues: By leveraging the insights from the 6 Human Needs and applying precise NLP techniques, we tackle issues at their root, fostering enduring change.
Craft Personalised Strategies: Recognising the uniqueness of each individual's needs and patterns, this combination allows for deeply personalised coaching strategies that resonate on a personal level.
Boost Emotional Intelligence: Gain profound insights into your emotional processes and learn effective management techniques, bolstering your emotional resilience and well-being.

Beyond Traditional Counselling

While traditional counselling plays a vital role in emotional healing, the integration of NLP and the 6 Human Needs Psychology, spearheaded by Hugo's specialised training and experience, offers a dynamic and comprehensive approach. This method not only addresses emotional wounds but also equips you with practical tools for profound personal transformation. This all-encompassing approach ensures that you're not merely recovering from past trauma but also laying the groundwork for a more fulfilling and empowered existence.

In summary, the combination of NLP and the 6 Human Needs Psychology, further enhanced by Hugo's extensive training, personal experience and R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y. Coaching System, offers unmatched value to our clients. It's an approach that cultivates deep understanding, rapid personal growth, and sustainable change, empowering you to tackle life's challenges with resilience, clarity, and renewed purpose. At Affair Recovery, we are dedicated to guiding you through this transformative journey, helping you emerge more robust, more connected, and profoundly fulfilled.

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Introduction to the
R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Model

At Affair Recovery, we offer specialised coaching and therapy services for individuals and couples. Our approach is rooted in a deep understanding of the complexities of infidelity and its impact on relationships and individual well-being.

Welcome to the R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Program, a transformative journey designed to guide individuals and couples through the complex aftermath of an affair. This program recognises that the discovery of infidelity is a profound turning point, one that leads to crucial decisions about the future of your relationship.

RECOVERY Coaching Model

R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Model

Introduction to the R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Model

A Dual Path Approach:

In the R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y®. model, we acknowledge from the outset that the journey following an affair may lead to different destinations: reconciliation and a renewed commitment to the relationship, or an amicable separation with a focus on personal growth and healing. This program is designed to support you, whether you are seeking to rebuild your relationship or to part ways with understanding and respect.

Personalised for Your Unique Journey:

As you progress through each stage of R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® - Recognise, Embrace, Comprehend, Open, Validate, Establish, Rebuild/Redesign, and Yield - you will gain insights and tools not just for dealing with the immediate impact of the affair, but for making informed decisions about your personal and relational well-being.

Supporting Individual and Joint Paths:

Each stage of this model is tailored to address both the individual and the couple's needs, ensuring that you have the support, understanding, and strategies necessary for the path you choose. Whether you find yourselves coming together with a deeper understanding and stronger bond or moving apart with mutual respect and clarity, the R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® program is here to guide, support, and empower you.

Embark on this journey with us, as we navigate through these challenging times with compassion, expertise, and a deep commitment to your healing and growth.

A Guide To The R.E.C.O.V.E.R.Y.® Coaching Model

R. Recognise the Affair

What We Do: We start by acknowledging the affair and understanding its impact on your life and relationship. This step is about facing the reality with honesty and openness.
How It Helps: It sets the foundation for your healing journey, allowing you to address the affair directly and thoughtfully.

E. Embrace Emotions

What We Do: Here, we create a safe space for you to express and process your emotions. You'll learn to manage feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, or confusion.
How It Helps: This step is vital for emotional healing, helping you to cope with the intense emotions that arise from infidelity.

C. Comprehend Motivations

What We Do: We delve into understanding why the affair happened. This involves exploring personal histories, relationship dynamics, and possible external influences.
How It Helps: Gaining clarity on the motivations behind the affair helps in making sense of the situation, which is essential for moving forward.

O. Open Communication

What We Do: This stage focuses on improving communication between partners. We guide you through effective ways to talk about difficult topics.
How It Helps: Open, honest communication is key to rebuilding trust and understanding, whether you choose to stay together or part ways.

V. Validate Experiences

What We Do: We help each partner feel heard and understood. This involves acknowledging each other’s feelings and experiences related to the affair.
How It Helps: Validation is crucial for empathy and connection, fostering a deeper understanding of each other's perspectives.

E. Establish Trust

What We Do: Trust rebuilding is a core part of this step. We introduce practices and exercises to gradually rebuild trust.
How It Helps: Reestablishing trust is fundamental for a healthy relationship moving forward, be it together or separately.

R. Rebuild/Redesign

What We Do: Depending on your decision, this stage either focuses on rebuilding the relationship with a stronger foundation or redesigning your individual paths forward.
How It Helps: This step is about creating a positive future, whether it involves staying together and strengthening your bond or parting amicably with mutual respect.

Y. Yield New Growth

What We Do: We focus on the personal growth and lessons learned from the experience. This is about moving forward with strength and resilience.
How It Helps: Yielding new growth ensures you emerge from this journey with a sense of empowerment, hope, and a positive outlook for the future.

This model is adaptable to each individual’s or couple’s unique situation, providing a structured yet flexible approach to healing from infidelity. Whether the path leads to reconciliation or separation, the R.E.C.O.V.E.R..Y. model is designed to support, guide, and empower you through this challenging yet transformative journey.

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